Funeral Feelings
Oct 21, 2022
This week, we got the news that my mother in law passed away suddenly. She was not in great health but we were unprepared for her passing.
As we navigated dealing with the sad news, telling our kids, family and friends, I had guilt arising that I should have moved her closer to us.
I am still working through these feelings. I know the guilt is not useful. Many people have said that where she spent most of her life is where she passed and that she would have wanted it this way.
My husband is an only child and trying to manage a lot of things. I offered to ring the funeral places and organise a wake/celebration after the service.
When I rang the funeral director, she asked me to bring what she would like to wearing at the funeral. I know as my mum (in law) was in an aged care facility, she did not have many nice things to wear.
I offered to go shopping. As I went into her favourite shop, I felt my eyes fill with tears shopping for her now corpse as her soul has left the body already in my beliefs.
When I arrived at the counter, the lovely woman at the desk asked me 'for you?'. I replied 'No. For my mother in law. This is her favourite shop'. 'You are a nice daughter in law. I hope she likes it' she replied.
I burst into tears and headed into my car and sobbed. Such a simple action. So much emotion came up.
I felt compelled to write about this. I am caught between 2 cultures. I grew up in a Hindu family where I have not had to make decisions about death and funerals. This was handled by my parents, Uncles and Aunties and grandparents. I am helping organise a Catholic funeral. I have never had to buy an outfit for a funeral for someone.
As a wife and mother, I have been very aware of my husband's and my children's grief. however I am only now connecting to my grief and sitting in it.
There are the waves of emotions coming but unless I learn to ride the waves, I may go under water and have trouble breathing.
What do you do when grief comes up?
Any tips you have?
With Love
Shivani x
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