I'm Shivani Gupta, and welcome to the Ask Shivani podcast. I believe that one of the best presents that you can give yourself is time to be able to sit down and ask yourself some questions. I believe that the quality of the question that you ask yourself will determine the quality of your life.

Shivani Gupta

Welcome to the AskShivani podcast. Today I'm delighted to have Sobia Zafar on this podcast who will tell us a lot about herself and her views. And we will get to ask her some questions. But in the meantime, let me tell you a little bit about her. She is a transformation and leadership expert. She has advised and consulted to governments, the United Nations, Fortune 100, Academia corporate and also for purpose sector. She works with key Women of Influence, including CEOs, philanthropists,Tech printers, and a very broad range of women, but mainly women who are leading change in the world. She's also an international speaker, and she's presented at forums like TEDx, and the Commonwealth people's forum, and the list goes on. She's also a regular on leading industry events and leadership, innovation and top peak performance. And she has studied in different things, particularly in ETH, Zurich. And she's been invited to speak across the globe. Her little kids are the big source of her inspiration, welcome Sobia.

Sobia Zafar

Thank you.

Shivani Gupta   

It's lovely to meet you. While we're on Zoom, I'm not as good as in person, but this is the world that we live in. Sobia, I read your CV, and I think, wow, what an incredible array of things that you've done, and that you continue to do. But in all of our journeys, there's some of those, what I call transformational moments, there's times that things go really well. And there are things that are complete disasters. So, take us through, I don't know, three or four of your key moments or pivotal terms that have got you to where you have today.

Sobia Zafar

That's a very interesting question. And it's, it's really hard to pin it down to just a few events in your life. Because every event presents experiences reflection that make you a better person every day. Ah, but as you might notice, I've lived around the globe a lot. So, each time has been a different continent altogether. So probably each time that I've moved, which has at least once in a decade of my life, if not twice, I think that has been the biggest growth for that decade in terms of not only learning the new language, but the exposure, the diversity, the places you get to travel. There's just so much learning and growth in that and it changes how you view life, it changes the person that you want to become, it changes your, what your view on what's really possible, and how you can be of contribution. So, like when I started as a young person, when I was, I was already speaking, for UN forums in my early 20s. And I really felt that the weight of the shoulder was on my weight of the world was on my shoulders. If I stopped, the world would stop, you know, and but at that time, you don't know it's driver, its ego, what is it, and there's no us analyzing it. But after becoming a mother, that's what shifted. So, if there was one thing, I think that was motherhood. And as we speak, my son has just done 10. So that has been exactly a decade since the day I became a mother. So probably that just shifted my priorities, how I take life, where I want to be in life and what is really important. And it took me a while to understand that this is what I speak about in my TEDx as well. But I, for me, success was achievement before I became a parent, and after that, that was replaced with day-to-day joy, with meaning and little things, rather than those big titles and things on your CV. So probably that was the biggest one.

Shivani Gupta

Yeah, that's wonderful. And I have an 11-year-old son, but we might need a different podcast and a different conversation about how to manage the energy of these voice and the things they get up to I also have a 13-year-old daughter and completely different kettle of fish as they say. Then that's a different podcast conversation. And when you reflect back on all the different continents that you've moved on, was the one as I was asking that question and again, it might have been your first one because that's the first time you did it, or something recent that you know really, really made you grow you know, a lot or even exponentially was the one that really stands out in your mind. And obviously there were for different reasons, but one that really stands out for you.

Sobia Zafar

In recent obviously the pandemic because in Australia, I don't have any family. I have some beautiful friends that I call, I could call family, I have beautiful friends to rely on. But, you know, the blood relation is a different you don't realize that until you have to go through it. For two years, I didn't see any family members. And I went in November 2020, 2021, sorry, just two months ago. And I'm so grateful that I was able to manage this, because before the only cron waiting started. But yeah, like managing that time and not realizing that I am finding it hard. But towards the end of lockdown in New South Wales, which is October, I found myself to a point that I was giving up. I tend to think I'm really strong, and I'm emotionally sorted. But I think it's starting to build up. And it was so important that I go home and see my parents.

Shivani Gupta

Yeah, now, that that makes sense. And I think for people, you know, there's, there's a lot of people that are in that edge. And even people I thought, somebody that were very resilient, you know, there seem to be a bit fraying at the edges the last few months. That probably leads me really nicely to the next question, one of the questions that I always like to ask is challenges come your way, obviously, navigating the pandemic, not being able to see the family for two years that you just shared with me. But there's also challenges that come our way, whether it's parenting, whether it's business, whether you know, different aspects of our life, some people, so they have a methodology or they have a process, or they do something when something comes in the way how they resolve those or assess those challenges and problems. Do you have something like that? How do you get around that? Do you have a process or a methodology? What do you do when stuff hits you, and you have to then try and resolve it?

Sobia Zafar

Um, so in my, in my coaching, or working closely with people, what I have just brought it down to is a three, three C method, which is clarity, courage, and compassion. And whatever I teach, it's nothing that I haven't experimented and achieve success with in my own life. That's my one criteria for sharing anything with anyone. So, clarity on what is really important. Where am I like really accepting, acknowledging reality for what it is without any fluff? And what can I do about it? What is it that I can immediately do about it? So that's what I call clarity, simple, simple action steps that I can take now for what is important right now. We'll deal with the future when it arrives. So, for example, in last year, last year started with we didn't have much COVID-19 in Australia, right. So, the plans business plans were just as usual as you would normally have for the year. But midway during midway during the year, and the lockdown happens, and everything, all your plans are just like, they have to be reiterated. But I realized with homeschooling two children, my younger one is six, I have a daughter.   So, with both of them at home, I had to reprioritize some goals could wait but kids could not. And for them, it's they don't really children at that age, because my daughter was just in kindy, six months into school, she's at home. So even if they're not saying it, they do not need to finish that classwork. They need those cuddles. They need slow mornings; they need heartwarming foods. They know mom is going to be there day in day out as the constant. So that was more important. Everything else followed some beautiful stuff happened with the business and it kept flowing. So instead of I have my online program, instead of three rounds, I just did two, for example. So, it's not that you stop. But if you were taking six steps, you can take three because another area of your life is the priority. So, clarity, for what is important. Where am I? Where am I going, courage to accept it. To celebrate what you have, and then take aligned, make align choices towards what needs to be done. And compassion I say is disciplined action. Don't make it too big that you after five days, you're like I can't do it anymore. So small, consistent action. That's compassion, where you rise above yourself. Like I have to show up every day for my children during lockdown, so that's compassion. It's not for them. I don't give myself the choice. So, yeah, and you're not clear to start with you can't follow through.

Shivani Gupta   

I love that definition of compassion. It's disciplined action. Yeah, I really like that. It's almost takes it from this kind of soft, airy-fairy thing into this. Almost something that you can follow. That's great and 22 has started severe and some people are saying oh my goodness, there's another year it feels different but the same. So, when you look at your future aspirations, and some people look at future aspirations as something that's going to be a lifetime thing. Others look at it as a decade or others look at as a one-year goal. You know, when you look at your future aspirations, whatever timeframe that you want to kind of imagine that two? What do you want to do both personally, business wise, tell me more about your future aspirations and what are we going to see Sobia doing?

Sobia Zafar

So, I've taken my, my work almost completely online, so that I can work from anywhere, that would be a choice. But I have just explored further, I love writing that in a few years, I want to transition into full time writing. And I want to write fiction. That's what I'm looking at. I haven't put it online to it. Because I said that my work evolves as my family evolves. So, my work follows family. And I have big dreams for my work and my business. So, I don't play small. But it follows family. That's what I'm very clear about.

Shivani Gupta   

That's amazing. So not only writing but you've gone I'm going to do fiction.

Sobia Zafar

I started writing this musical novel about six years ago. And I have, I have no doubt that it's going to be a blockbuster.

Yeah, because I already have a chapter started and the kind of story and you know, there will be this old school soliloquy is where characters are thinking. And I don't know if you've read this love story. I love that novel. It's just like a very small one.

Shivani Gupta   

No, I haven't read that one.

Sobia Zafar

It's a beautiful book. So that's, that's the kind of book that I'm inspired to write.

Shivani Gupta   

Oh, that's, that's beautiful. I love that. But you're going to write fiction into that. And, you know, in the work that you do, obviously, you're helping people get clear about you talked about clarity, getting clear on their philosophies. You know, are there philosophies that you live by? Are there rules or brand rules? Or sayings or quotes? Are there things that are really important for you? You know, that that you tend to live by like, I talk a lot about integrity, like, if you're going to say something, do it? And if you can't do it, communicate it. And I say the same thing to my kids. If you haven't delivered something, that's fine, just let me know, or my team as well. So, do you have philosophies or quotes and things that are really important to you and are cornerstones in your life?

Sobia Zafar

So, one is my brand tagline. And I have made it a tagline. So that is a reminder for me. Maybe not so much for other people. And that is let life coach you. Because just like any game, you need to learn the rules of the game before you played the game. So why not take life like that it can be way more fun, you can take it lightly. And you understand the universal principles. So, you know, principles have crossed principles of growth principles of taking action. There's always a cause and effect. And there's a cause and effect, like each time you take action, how can possibilities just show up from somewhere. They never show up. When you're dreaming, visualizing reflecting, nothing happens. You have to take aligned action, make life choices, that takes courage. You if you have gone through an event in life, you need to stop feeling sorry for yourself, rise from that space and become who you can become with all that strength that you have experienced. So let life show you what is possible. Let life show you how it's done. Let life show you how the plants and the trees and the animals are just trust the universe to be nurtured and taken care of why not you? So, you know.

Shivani Gupta   

That's because I control everything as humans. I mean, we're always like, that's all good, but it must run my way. It must be this particular way that doesn't work.

Sobia Zafar

Yeah, but life can be so much lighter and more fun once you get that.

Shivani Gupta   

Yeah, absolutely. What about for you when you're giving so much of yourself away, Sobia to your clients, to young children, to other members of your family to your friends. What are some other things that you do for your wellness? Whether they're daily rituals or annual rituals? What are some of the things that you do around maintaining your own? Whether it's mental, emotional, spiritual, physical, doesn't matter which aspect? What do you do for your wellness?

Sobia Zafar

That's a great question. And I hope everybody listens that because this is so important. This is because we have to go beyond self-love. It is self-compassion, and again, disciplined action for yourself. So, I love traveling, traveling to see my family specifically which is spread across the world. I have two brothers who live in Europe and my parents back at home in Pakistan. So, traveling to see family, and both places because I call home so whenever I travel, I meet my old friends again, from high school and college and university. So, I just love that part. That's so important for my own wellbeing. And I love taking my children with me for them to experience those parts of my life. In day to day, I normally wake up early, but my morning is slow. So, it's not like I have woken up early and I've conquered the day. I go very slow. So, I need one hour of doing nothing. So, my nothing includes reflecting, maybe meditating, maybe listening to some, some music while I prepare some slow cook breakfast. So just going with the flow. I think that's really important for me reading almost every day writing. From last year, I started doing like high intense workout as well, five days a week. So, I tried gym and I tried different things. But I think with a pandemic, where it's so much uncertainty, just following YouTube channels is like the perfect thing to do. Yeah, but meditation. And recently, for the past two years, I've started doing silence meditation, which is no guidance, no music, just sit down and sit in silence. Without any alarm and sit down for as long as you can until you your body tells you that you're done. So that's great.

Shivani Gupta   

That's great. I love that you said I get up but I'll start the day slow. I love that because you're like, I do slow cook food, I slow myself down. Normally people are okay, I've done the slow. I've had my sleep, I'm ready to go. I'm ready to get into my day. But just continuing that slow, consciously is just yeah, that's beautiful the way that you prefer. And Sobia, if people want to contact you about and follow you and some of the posts that you do and the work or writing that you're doing. But particularly also around some of the coaching work you do. Where are the best places to find you?

Sobia Zafar

Best place is LinkedIn, because that's the only place on social media where I'm actually active. And I call it my play field. So, yeah LinkedIn would be great to connect.

Shivani Gupta   

Fantastic, and we'll put all the details of that in there, and Sobia it’s such a pleasure talking to you. I feel calm, I've got a bunch of extra kids running around the house today. People have got friends; there's delivery people and I just feel calm after speaking to you. So, thank you for being on I just really appreciate you taking the time.

I'm Shivani Gupta. And you've been listening to the Ask Shivani podcast where I'd like to ask some questions. Thank you so much for listening. Please follow Ask Shivani on Facebook, Instagram and LinkedIn. And if you haven't done so, please go to the Apple podcasts and subscribe rate and review this podcast. It would mean a lot. Thank you.