I am all women

There was a song in the 90’s by Alanis Morrissette that had some fairly ‘full on’ lyrics.

I'm a bitch, I'm a lover 
I'm a child, I'm a mother 
I'm a sinner, I'm a saint 
I do not feel ashamed…

And it went on. At the time it was a bit radical but as I have got older, it seems to become more true. It is difficult to put on the ‘nice girl’ stance all the time. And if you come across ones that appear nice all the time, trust me, they have a dark side! The women that seem to have had it all together are now falling apart at the seams. The ones with great relationships are lost at work. The ones very successful at work are getting divorced. And there are the healthy ones that never ate anything bad at a lunch, ran 5 times a week have found out that they have cancer or their partner is having an affair.

Still we try to be the higher being, the adult, the grown up, the more spiritual one. Yet appearing more enlightened isn’t that enlightened!

We are a lot of characteristics in our life. We change with each decade let alone each year let alone each season and maybe each moment. Some changes are for the good and some, we go backwards.

However in our culture we are not being taught to adopt our shadows, our dark sides, our not so nice parts. The perfect social media culture where we assume all these women are having fun may be the ones that are curled up in a foetus position at night or drinking excessively to hide their inner pain as they #havingfun #besties #amazinglife on facebook.

At times as a mum of a 10 and 8 year old, I am inspiring and showcasing a great role model for my kids and other times I am wondering why I did’t say yes to travelling with the hot Spanish backpacker and dive straight into my child attitude.

There are times I dislike gossip magazines and pride myself on not buying any for over 10 years and then want my hairdresser to shut up as I devour the latest gossip.

There are times I inspire people in improving their self esteem and then days where I think ‘Is this it?’ Why am I drowning in paperwork which I hate (or as I ask my kids not to use hate and intensely dislike) and question my worth.

What is becoming clear is that as expectations fall from what I expect of myself, I am more comfortable with who am I becoming, I am not so scared to talk about my shadows of the not so nice parts of me. Like Alanis said 20 years of her time, we are all aspects of women. The good, bad and the ugly. Embrace it!

Love

Shivani x

Shivani Gupta