Yesterday I had the pleasure to attend part of Michael Craddock and Philip Hron's workshop on negotiation.  One of the models I really liked was:

Observation - Intent - Impact

The best way to explain this is through an example.  If I walk into a client meeting and notice that during the meeting the client cut me off, I assume the intent is that he is angry or upset with my view and the impact on me is that I feel a little insecure or upset at not being respected for my viewpoint.

The main area when we are in conversations that we fail is checking for intent or meaning.  So I could have checked that he seemed upset and he may have answered that the board was putting a lot of pressure on him recently and he was feeling a little stressed.  In that case the impact is that I have empathy for him instead of anger.

How often do you assume the intent of the person you are speaking with?  How much would our communication improve if we checked for meaning.

Next time you are heading into a small or a large potential conflict with someone, check for intent and this provides a great stop and assessment and your negotation and converation can change radically.

I have worked with some form of personality styles for almost 15 years.  There are many - Myers Briggs or MBTI, DISC, birds model, Wilson Learning and many more.  I also teach it as part of team development in our business.  This week I realised that even if you have known something for a long time, it is important to keep an open mind and continue to learn about yourself which is the best form of leadership - continuing to work on one self.

I was introduced to the Enneagram this week by a friend and a colleague who came to stay with us for a few days.  She took me through part of my profile and I realised that there was a depth to this style of personality profiling that may help me understand myself better which will have ripple effects in my business and my family.

I discovered that certain behaviours I have (both positive and constructive) are better understood using this tool than others I have discovered to date.

Most organistions I work with have done some type of profiling but most leaders and managers have not looked at thier profiles since that initial assessment. If they could revisit it and apply it to thier daily work and home based on that, that would be fantastic.  I am not sure why people dont revisit it but it would save companies a whole lot of money if they did this better.

I am on the start of understanding myself better and I would encourage you to check out this or another form or revisit what you have already done so you get yourself better understood by yourself if no one else!

At the age of 39, I have started my first ever detox.  I have never been on a diet.  The Ayurvedic way of doing things is about changing your lifestyle and improving your digestion which appealed to me rather than some sort of a fad which gave me short term results but no soul satisfaction longer term.

As I started this 5 days ago, I am challenged by what is coming up.  I am realising how much of the 'rubbish' food I eat in small amounts- a little chocolate biscuit there and the leftovers of the kids chips packet.  What is even more interesting is the stories I tell myself when I eat the food.  I dont want to waste it.  I work hard so I deserve a treat.  And my favourite, I am a foodie and I love food!  In fact I tell people at workshops on passion I run that one of the things I am passionate about is food.

The realisation I am having only on day 5 (I just hope I can hang onto that thought) is that loving food does not mean overloading my body with extra food as it gets tired of trying to digest.  I can be passionate about food and be passionate about eating the right amount so the satisfaction is there and the digestion also works better.

Reading a yoga magazine last night, I opened it randomly (or not so!) when I got to an article on eating the buddhist way - eat so you are not full nor hungry.

I am learning that although I eat fairly healthy most of the time, there is much improvement to be made and I can no longer just hide behind me being passionate about food.  What a bummer!

I am currently on a working holiday with my family in Terrigal, a beautiful place on the coast about an hour from our home.  As we normally do with little kids, we cook some meals and then look forward to eating out at a nice place for the other meals.

This morning, we decided to have a long walk followed by a nice breakfast.  We stopped at a cafe part of a hotel at 7:52 am.  The woman who was in charge and getting tables ready said very rudely 'we dont open for another 10 mins'.  There were many other ways to express that message by slightly adjusting your style of communication.  She could have said things along the lines of 'Hi guys.  What a beautiful morning!  We dont open for 10 mins but please take a seat.'  That message would have let us know we cant order anything for another 10 minutes and we would have been great with that.  Her style of communication offended us so we instead took our $60 breakfast to one other thier competitors.

If you are a business that provides a service or a product, be aware of your communcation and whether your passion comes across.  Of course you need to work in your boundaries.  For example if your policy is you dont open till 8, then stick to it.  You must however teach yourself and your staff to adjust thier style of communicating so that thier passion for thier job comes across and you dont lose money as customers have long memories.  I know that with a choice of cafes to chose from, we will avoid that one next time also.